la da dee, la da da. i hate jimijames. he is too smart for my own good. we hung out last night and he consumed many beers. some people get drunk after many beers, james turns into an uber genius. he is an everyday genius, but with many beers he turns into uber genius. he, more than anyone i know and i dont mean to offend anyone else, just he more than anyone i know gets it. IT. he sees through the bullshit same as i do, but he has this incredible knack to be able to make sense of it all whereas i throw it in a shoebox and try to light it on fire with a lighter missing its flint.
last night we touched on a bunch of topics, what direction i want my life to do, the adventure of life, love and how badly it can ruin you, and how it can build you up better than ever, his new worries now that he is in a new chapter in his life. as with anything, it mostly focused on me, im the more unsettled of the two of us.
we didnt say it but i think the conversation danced wildly aroun the idea of fate and how much control we have over it. then again the whole idea of fate, any choices we make to maybe avoid our own fate, we were predestined to make that decision so fate is by definition unavoidable. that being said, we still are able to say what it is we want out of life. do i want a family? a job? a career? do i want to see the world? do i want this or that or the other thing?
everyone gets a plate. and someone fills up your plate, but you at least get to choose the restaurant. as you go through, your plate gets filled up and you have to decide what to eat first. you can keep all the food seperate, eating just the turkey, or just the corn, but you at least get to eat all of it, and hopefully youll enjoy it. youll really get to know the flavor, youll be able to savior it and be a connosieur of...turkey....or corn. on the other hand, you can take everything on the plate and swirl it around with your fork, make this crazy gloop mess and eat that. you wont taste anything on its own, wont get to know the real flavor of anything, but you at least had a little bit of everything. chances are you wont get to finish any one thing either because youre full from trying everything. this is the craziest metaphor i have ever come up with and it probably doesnt make any sense but it does...to me at least.
so far i think i have been trying to have a little bit of everything. i need to slow down and just concentrate on one thing. there will be time for everything else later.
now if i could only get some wine to wash this down with......

faces is one letter away from feces

Here is my favorite thing about myspace.  When you go out to a club, its just a meat market.  People wearing clothes they cant afford, dolled up, muscled out, blingin, shootin off attitude and an aura of cool.  We all know of course that its total bullshit.  The paradoxal dopplegangers to these people are the dark moody artists who wear their misery on their sleeve and in their hair dyed jet black.  Myspace is like one big club where you can see all these people and all their stereotypes all laid out for your viewing pleasure.  Its both incredibly entertaining and nauseating at the same time.  For instance, look at the person whose picture is a close up of their eye.  What does this say to you?  “hi, I am dark and mysterious, and artsy, don’t try to understand me because I cant be comprehended or labeled”  or the guy rockin the wifebeater and showin the ink?  He probably cried when he got that done.  Then there are the sluts.  Do you know what kind of impression I get when you show off all your skin on your myspace page?  Two words: venereal disease.  I also love seeing the folks who have to have some kind of alcohol in all their pictures.  This is me with my friend jack this is me with my girls BFF Paarrttyyyin I heart beer good lord give me a break.  If that is what you want peoples first impression to be of you fine, ill judge you as an immature little git that has no depth of character what so ever beyond the bottom of a bottle of sam adams.  So which ones are good?  the ones that are fun and not to be taken seriously.  The ones that don’t say anything about you other than you know who you are and aren’t trying to be anything other than that. 

update

I really have nothing to do at all right now at work.  I can stare out my window at the narrow slice of the sky that squeezes through the two buildings opposite me, but that just gets frustrating.  If a plane goes by I see it for about .2 seconds.  I don’t think I have anything in particular to write about so I’ll just do a normal state of the non-union address. 

On vacation for the next two weeks starting on the 30th.  Not really going anywhere really, but im flying almost everyday, for four hours a day.  Ill be getting my instrument pilots license which basically just means I can fly in bad weather.  It’s a tough course that usually takes a couple months to do…im doing it in two weeks….because I am a rockstar…..word. 

Still hate my job and have nothing but flying to occupy the brain during the day.  It’s a constant fight for me to find something I want to do.  here is what I have so far:  I want to fly airshows, I am willing to fly commercial airliners, I would like to work with the EAA, I would love to write for a magazine, I wish the museum had its act together.  So how do I do any of this?  Well right now the only thing I can do is keep my eyes open for an opportunity and hop on it whenever I see it.  My friend dave is moving to boulder, Colorado because he got hooked up with a ski magazine, complete badass move that I am kind of hoping to replicate….just without the snow…and the skiing…and the Colorado. 


Still single..ppphhhtttttttttt

Im starting to get the music bug again.  Ive always wished I could sing.  Dirty little secret about me is that I sing all the time..all the time.  And I really practice it, not in the classical sense but in my own foolish I think I know what im doing way.  At night when im walking home from the bar (working, not out for a drink) ill toss on the iPod with one ear in the headphones and ill sing along to whatever it is I am listening to, usually ryan adams because I know all the words, but maybe radiohead, jeff buckley if I am feeling saucy.  Im starting to actually hit all the notes rather well, approach them the right way, give them the inflection I want to without sounding cheesy.  No matter what though, I still am not a fan of the sonority of my voice, I sound muffled and breathy, like john mayer with a cold.  Im working on that one though.  And ive been writing a lot lately too.  Past few weeks have seen a couple tunes emerge.  Most of this happens at night laying in bed.  I keep the grampy guitar (see post about guitars in the archives I think from last January?) next to my bed.  That’s how I fall asleep, playing ma geetar.  One tune is just about a lullaby, one I think coldplay probably wrote or should have written.  Ive also been revisiting stuff I wrote awhile ago and ya know what?  Its not half bad, I might actually get around to recording some stuff.  I think it would be kind of ryan adamsy but with some portishead mixed in.  itll be delicious.  Speaking of portishead, has anyone heard the rumor that they are touring?  I know radiohead is, but I heard portishead might be going out too.  I wont keep you posted because if everyone knows, I wont get a good seat.  Going to see sigur ros in a few weeks for the second time in as many months, yeah, cant wait.

Ive been on a health kick lately.  Ive been eating really strict just to see how I can handle it.  No soda, no candy, no beer, no red meat, lots of rice, chicken, lots of vegetables, Indian food (not always healthy but too good not to have), lots of water to stay hydrated, nothing fried, low fat stuff.  I want to slim down because I was getting up there in the weight category.  If I am going to be flying aerobatics I gosta be in shape.  So over the past few weeks, I have no idea how many pounds ive lost but I know that my waist is smaller by two inches which rocks.  Even my coworker said I was starting to look puffy.  Not anymore bitches.  Ideal weight for me: 160-175, somewhere in there.  Of course I have no idea what I actually so ill just have to guess. 

Gettin me an edumacation

Ive been reading a lot of books lately.  I got to a point where I looked at myself and said “self, youre a smart dude, but you haven’t read shit.”  So I made an effort to read the classics that I never picked up.  Ive only made a miniscule little dent into this list of classics but its enough to make me big headed and think even more highly of myself than I already do.  (some of you are probably rolling your eyes saying “if that’s even possible”).  Titles include Plato’s Republic, To Kill a Mockingbrd, Bill Clinton’s My Life, Everything is Illuminated, The Bell Jar, and a bunch of airplane related things that none of you will care about.  Plato was tough to get through…real tough but fascinating.  This all took place thousands of years ago.  The only disappointing thing is that its been so long and we are still asking ourselves the same questions.  This makes me feel both unoriginal and unevolved.  Shouldn’t we have made some kind of process?  To kill a mockingbird, fandeetastic.  Bill Clinton, I know its not a classic but damn he is the man.  The book reads like a laundry list of why he is cool.  It also reads like a grocery list of every person he has ever met and what influence they had on him.  Everything is Illuminated is also a new one but it was a terrifically fun read, the dogs name is Sammy Davis Jr, Jr.  need I say more?  The Bell Jar, if a poet wrote a book what would it be like?  Slightly mental is what.  Brilliant writing, brilliant observations, brilliant procession into madness. 

I wonder if ive lived enough to write a book.  Jonathan Safran Foer was only 21 (I think…might be younger) when he wrote Everything is Illuminated.  I just don’t think ive lived enough really.  Havent hurt enough, haven’t seen enough, haven’t loved enough?  Maybe I have though.  If I did an autobiography it would include all the breakups (the top 5, see previous entries), my dads accident, getting bullied around as a kid which I suppose is typical, my parents divorce, the band…none of those things were fun.  I just don’t have any huge thing though, the closest I get is my dads accident. You read about people going through crazy things, rehabs, overdoses, suicides, beatings, molestations, I never had any of that happen to me.  Does that make me a novice in the human experience?  I don’t think that’s necessarily so, I have my own demons.  The worst ones are my grandiose aspirations and my overwhelming want to love.  But I think I need to see some more of life, some more of the world before I start to write.  I need to see more horizons, more sunsets, more mountains, more fields…yeah.  Thank god im a pilot. 

I feel bad for W

I feel bad for W. he has enjoyed a long life of always being associated with good things. lately though, its been nothing but bad news. there is going to be an entire generation out there who will forever associate W with failure and stupidity. its just not his fault. he was doing really well. george Washington, theres a W that is respected. WWI and WWII, while grotesquely brutal, symbolize good being triumphant over evil and there is W, mentioned twice for each war! for those of you who partake, Weed means good times...and look...it starts with a W! Walter chonchrite, Winston churchill, Wham! W, W, W and its all good! William jefferson clinton, William shatner, Wine, the Who, Who's the boss! W,W,W,W,W and its still all good. the word Wicked...its awesome! and then........and then there was dubya.

An open letter to bar patrons

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would like to address certain points which will make your bar going experience that much more enjoyable and in turn my nights spent working at the bar will be that much more tolerable. These are very simple things, mostly based on common sense behavioral points.

1) Do not try to get in with a fake ID. you wont get in. any attempt at this will make you look like a fool

2) bribing the door staff will not work. we have a long line, be courteous and wait your turn to get in. trying to slip the doorstaff a $5 only says that you think you are better than everyone in line as well as the person working the door. and no, the fact that you have alot of people with you and you are going to spend a lot of money doesnt make any difference. if you look in the bar, there are already alot of people in there spending money. and they got here first, so, in a sense, they are better than you.

3) i dont care what sorority youre in.

4) do not order a long island iced tea. we dont serve them anyway. ordering one only points out that you are new to the bar scene and have never been to our place before. it also reveals your m.o, that you want to get as drunk as possible as soon as possible.

5) do not come to the bar already drunk. we wont let you in. it doesnt mean your a bad person, i just dont want to have to clean up whatever it was you had for dinner after you regurgitate all over the bathroom floor.

6) ladies, you dont need to use that much toilet paper in the bathroom.

7) this isnt europe. i get you a drink. you tip.

8) you dont want to fight me. trust me. not necessarily because i will kick your ass. but look at the other people i work with, they are huge and they like to throw down. plus, we usually know alot of people that are in here and they will all want to wreck you too. thanks.

9.) if your gonna make out, dont be gross about it. keep it simple. do not go up her shirt, do not go down his pants, do not lick her neck like it was a popsicle and please for the love of god do not say "just shut up and kiss me baby" again. its really poor taste.

10) trucker hats still suck. as do popped collars. as do louis vutton bags. as do just about anything that is fashionable. leave it at home and just show up with yourself.

walls closing in

I need to do some traveling, some hardcore take-to-the-road-explore-new-lands traveling.  Doesn’t necessarily have to be international or anything, I think I just need to see some mountains.  When your life just becomes work, trains, buildings, computers, you lose a certain sense of the world, granted I go flying as much as I can and I gain my perspective from that, but I need to see some new places. 

On my desk at work I have a glass globe.  Its about 4, maybe 5 inches in diameter, sits on a glass block, has all the continents etched onto it as well as longitude lines.  Looking at it, I can see all the places ive been, and all the places I intimately know in the world.  Its not much, about the size of a pencil eraser.  Ive spent time in Chicago, Vermont, new Hampshire, Washington dc, Minnesota, florida, Wisconsin, and of course Japan.  Stopped briefy in Albany, Michigan, Atlanta, Edmonton, Canada, Virginia, Delaware, new jersey, Pennsylvania.  As far as intimately known places, I can get around Manhattan without using a map, grew up in RI, and have been in Boston for 6 years now.  That’s it.  I suppose you cant really know too many places that well in your lifetime, I mean really know…understand the people, the way things work, know where the cops hide on the side of the road, where you can find a place to eat at 3am, realllly know, and that’s alright.  I suppose I just haven’t even been introduced to all that much.  I would say I have seen 1% of the world, most of which I saw on the plane to Tokyo.

I haven’t been to Europe yet, which is incredible in my estimation.  I know someone that’s over there right now and I am insanely jealous of the experience she is getting.  Meanwhile im looking out a window, the same window I looked out of yesterday, looking at the same building, with the same person in the same window looking right back at me.  Woof.  If I had a plane, I would myself right out to California right now, stopping along the way and just meeting the world on the way, saying hello as it passed under wings.  How are you today?  Pleasure to meet you finally.  Anything I can do for you? 

Urban claustrophobia is setting in my friends, its time to take advantage of my wings.