An open letter to bar patrons
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I would like to address certain points which will make your bar going experience that much more enjoyable and in turn my nights spent working at the bar will be that much more tolerable. These are very simple things, mostly based on common sense behavioral points.
1) Do not try to get in with a fake ID. you wont get in. any attempt at this will make you look like a fool
2) bribing the door staff will not work. we have a long line, be courteous and wait your turn to get in. trying to slip the doorstaff a $5 only says that you think you are better than everyone in line as well as the person working the door. and no, the fact that you have alot of people with you and you are going to spend a lot of money doesnt make any difference. if you look in the bar, there are already alot of people in there spending money. and they got here first, so, in a sense, they are better than you.
3) i dont care what sorority youre in.
4) do not order a long island iced tea. we dont serve them anyway. ordering one only points out that you are new to the bar scene and have never been to our place before. it also reveals your m.o, that you want to get as drunk as possible as soon as possible.
5) do not come to the bar already drunk. we wont let you in. it doesnt mean your a bad person, i just dont want to have to clean up whatever it was you had for dinner after you regurgitate all over the bathroom floor.
6) ladies, you dont need to use that much toilet paper in the bathroom.
7) this isnt europe. i get you a drink. you tip.
8) you dont want to fight me. trust me. not necessarily because i will kick your ass. but look at the other people i work with, they are huge and they like to throw down. plus, we usually know alot of people that are in here and they will all want to wreck you too. thanks.
9.) if your gonna make out, dont be gross about it. keep it simple. do not go up her shirt, do not go down his pants, do not lick her neck like it was a popsicle and please for the love of god do not say "just shut up and kiss me baby" again. its really poor taste.
10) trucker hats still suck. as do popped collars. as do louis vutton bags. as do just about anything that is fashionable. leave it at home and just show up with yourself.
I would like to address certain points which will make your bar going experience that much more enjoyable and in turn my nights spent working at the bar will be that much more tolerable. These are very simple things, mostly based on common sense behavioral points.
1) Do not try to get in with a fake ID. you wont get in. any attempt at this will make you look like a fool
2) bribing the door staff will not work. we have a long line, be courteous and wait your turn to get in. trying to slip the doorstaff a $5 only says that you think you are better than everyone in line as well as the person working the door. and no, the fact that you have alot of people with you and you are going to spend a lot of money doesnt make any difference. if you look in the bar, there are already alot of people in there spending money. and they got here first, so, in a sense, they are better than you.
3) i dont care what sorority youre in.
4) do not order a long island iced tea. we dont serve them anyway. ordering one only points out that you are new to the bar scene and have never been to our place before. it also reveals your m.o, that you want to get as drunk as possible as soon as possible.
5) do not come to the bar already drunk. we wont let you in. it doesnt mean your a bad person, i just dont want to have to clean up whatever it was you had for dinner after you regurgitate all over the bathroom floor.
6) ladies, you dont need to use that much toilet paper in the bathroom.
7) this isnt europe. i get you a drink. you tip.
8) you dont want to fight me. trust me. not necessarily because i will kick your ass. but look at the other people i work with, they are huge and they like to throw down. plus, we usually know alot of people that are in here and they will all want to wreck you too. thanks.
9.) if your gonna make out, dont be gross about it. keep it simple. do not go up her shirt, do not go down his pants, do not lick her neck like it was a popsicle and please for the love of god do not say "just shut up and kiss me baby" again. its really poor taste.
10) trucker hats still suck. as do popped collars. as do louis vutton bags. as do just about anything that is fashionable. leave it at home and just show up with yourself.
posted by Chris Porter at 12:10 PM
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