original title was "irony"...now its not. now its "im an ass"
i had a conversation with dalia today at work. what i said to her, i have to really concentrate on because ive never needed this lesson in my own life like i do right now. i just freaked out over nothing and now i feel like a total schlep. anyway, this is basically how the conversation went with dalia:
dalia: i just dont know. im not sure relationships are worth it.
me: no they are, they really are.
dalia: but its all really hard sometimes
me: well yeah, there are high times and there are low times
dalia: and the low times suck!
me: right, but you cant have one without the other. and heres the thing, its the low times that are the most interesting because its when you are going to learn the most. you get put into situations and you react to them and you learn how you react. you find out who you really are. and maybe you dont like the way you react and you want to be better than that, so you work on yourself to change, and youre a better person for it.
dalia: i guess i see your point
me: its the whole point of being in a relationship really. you help each other be the people that you want to be.
dalia: right but its such a tough thing to go through, i dont know if its worth it.
me: always remember, the goal is in the process, not the end result.
dalia: but youve been hurt twice and i cant believe that youre right back it
me: well ive seen sunsets at 5000ft, seen mountain ranges and foothills, the most perfect scenes on earth, but it doesnt compare to looking at someone and being completely enthralled.
dalia: i love it when you get in these moods. tell her i said thanks
me: can you tell her for me?
there was more to it, but thats the important part that is seriously running laps through my brain as we speak.
i hate my reaction.
so what did i learn? that my fears are my worst enemy. they could kill anything good that ive had. no more fear.
quite literally, i have taped to my wall a piece of paper with this on it "overcome fear, behold wonder." its been there for at least a year. how did i forget to look at it?
im still an ass though.
dalia: i just dont know. im not sure relationships are worth it.
me: no they are, they really are.
dalia: but its all really hard sometimes
me: well yeah, there are high times and there are low times
dalia: and the low times suck!
me: right, but you cant have one without the other. and heres the thing, its the low times that are the most interesting because its when you are going to learn the most. you get put into situations and you react to them and you learn how you react. you find out who you really are. and maybe you dont like the way you react and you want to be better than that, so you work on yourself to change, and youre a better person for it.
dalia: i guess i see your point
me: its the whole point of being in a relationship really. you help each other be the people that you want to be.
dalia: right but its such a tough thing to go through, i dont know if its worth it.
me: always remember, the goal is in the process, not the end result.
dalia: but youve been hurt twice and i cant believe that youre right back it
me: well ive seen sunsets at 5000ft, seen mountain ranges and foothills, the most perfect scenes on earth, but it doesnt compare to looking at someone and being completely enthralled.
dalia: i love it when you get in these moods. tell her i said thanks
me: can you tell her for me?
there was more to it, but thats the important part that is seriously running laps through my brain as we speak.
i hate my reaction.
so what did i learn? that my fears are my worst enemy. they could kill anything good that ive had. no more fear.
quite literally, i have taped to my wall a piece of paper with this on it "overcome fear, behold wonder." its been there for at least a year. how did i forget to look at it?
im still an ass though.
posted by Chris Porter at 10:14 PM
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