the running man
there is this guy that i see from time to time on my street. he is a chinese guy, id say mid 30's, probably older, 5"9"ish. i have only seen him ever wear a white v-neck t-shirt and red running shorts. why is this interesting? have you ever seen chinese excercising? there is this weird condition in western culture where we actually assimilate everything that is weird or 180 degrees from what we do as "chinese". checkers, food, fashion, fire drills....think about it. and to our western eyes, this shit just dont make sense.
my chinese neighbor is a runner. the extent of his running spans from one end of the block to the other. up and down, up and down. i dont think he is tethered but i may not have looked closely enough. at the end of each "lap" he proceeds to do chinese calistenics (sp?). these include standing upright with your hands on your hips and pretending to use a hula hoop, OR if he is feeling really crazy he might just do the "metronome" as i like to call it; hands at hips and see how far down you can put your head by leaning from side to side....rapidly.
the thing that amuses me the most about this is his temperature control procedures. we all know that when you work out you get hot and sweat. our chinese roger bannister impersonator has decided to combat this by lining his shirt AND shorts with towels. not paper towels....big bathroom towels. i also saw him one use a diaper to collect the appropriate sweat drippings off his chest. i think he was trying to be technologically superior to the stupid americans with that one. it adds at least 5 inches to his overall size in every direction but vertically.
also, i have never actually seen him run. only walk from one end to the other. its completely possible that his entire routine consists of metronomes, hulas, and gyros. i want this guy as my personal trainer.
has he ever seen what chinese people look like when they get old? if i had to assimilate the general chinese population to a food item to describe what happens to them...the obvious choice would be the prune. your born yay all happy into the world. but as you get older, you shrink in size yet your skin remains the same volume, thus wrinkling to an almost unidentifiable creature. and you walk funny. granted plenty of westerners fall victim to the same thing, i just merely observe far more elderly chinese folks afflicted with this. clearly something aint workin.
so i salute you..mr. chinese sweat fighter man for standing so boldly into the face of age and sweat and declaring a resounding NO...i will not be a victim! you go and fight your battles proudly. cheers to you!
but i still dont get it.
my chinese neighbor is a runner. the extent of his running spans from one end of the block to the other. up and down, up and down. i dont think he is tethered but i may not have looked closely enough. at the end of each "lap" he proceeds to do chinese calistenics (sp?). these include standing upright with your hands on your hips and pretending to use a hula hoop, OR if he is feeling really crazy he might just do the "metronome" as i like to call it; hands at hips and see how far down you can put your head by leaning from side to side....rapidly.
the thing that amuses me the most about this is his temperature control procedures. we all know that when you work out you get hot and sweat. our chinese roger bannister impersonator has decided to combat this by lining his shirt AND shorts with towels. not paper towels....big bathroom towels. i also saw him one use a diaper to collect the appropriate sweat drippings off his chest. i think he was trying to be technologically superior to the stupid americans with that one. it adds at least 5 inches to his overall size in every direction but vertically.
also, i have never actually seen him run. only walk from one end to the other. its completely possible that his entire routine consists of metronomes, hulas, and gyros. i want this guy as my personal trainer.
has he ever seen what chinese people look like when they get old? if i had to assimilate the general chinese population to a food item to describe what happens to them...the obvious choice would be the prune. your born yay all happy into the world. but as you get older, you shrink in size yet your skin remains the same volume, thus wrinkling to an almost unidentifiable creature. and you walk funny. granted plenty of westerners fall victim to the same thing, i just merely observe far more elderly chinese folks afflicted with this. clearly something aint workin.
so i salute you..mr. chinese sweat fighter man for standing so boldly into the face of age and sweat and declaring a resounding NO...i will not be a victim! you go and fight your battles proudly. cheers to you!
but i still dont get it.
posted by Chris Porter at 8:04 PM
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